Happy Birds by Pingwin

Top Five Anger Management Tips for Angry Birds

Hi-ho, my fine un-feathered friends.

Your plucky pal Pingwin is back from his bid to bring peace to the land of the egg-layers. I finally got to the soft downy underbelly of the Angry Bird issue threatening to tarnish the image of featheries everywhere.

After some intense therapy, it turns out that the Angry Birds are mostly just grumpy because THEY CAN’T FLY WITHOUT THE AID OF GIANT SLINGSHOTS. They weren’t given wings and the piggies are paying the price for the massive oversight. (Okay. The porkers also stole some eggs but that’s beside the point.)

Being a flightless bird myself, I feel their pain. Some days I couldn’t get out of the nest because I wanted to fly like an eagle, soar like a scarlet macaw and glide like a great lonesome gull over the sea. But it wasn’t meant to be.

Instead, I learned how to turn that frown upside down and can now share my wingless wisdom to help the Angry Birds cool their jets.

Top Five Anger Management Tips for Angry Birds:

1.     Put down the weapon. I’m speaking to the egg bomber and kamikaze bird in particular. Being packed full of dynamite and blowing yourself to smithereens or dropping hard-boiled eggs on people’s heads isn’t a very smart way to solve a dispute. USE YOUR WORDS. Fewer people get hurt… including yourself!

2.     Don’t compound the problem. It’s tempting to call on your posse (or split yourself into 3 identical versions of yourself when lightly tapped – I’m looking at you blue bird!) to fight your battles, but that’s not really fair. Try solving your problems mano y mano. Or birdo y birdo, as the case may be.

3.     Take a breather. It’s a good idea to walk away from the person (or smug herd of hogs) making you angry. You also may want to avoid anyone wearing gold crowns, pith helmets, hard hats, Magnum PI moustaches or anyone that snorts and giggles every time you fail. Turn the other beak, I say.

4.     Keep things in perspective. So the greedy little porkers stole a few eggs. Piggies need to eat. Why do you think they’re called pigs? Maybe times are tough on the farm and there aren’t enough corn cobs to go around. Desperate times call for desperate measures, dontchaknow. And don’t forget – you are birds. I hate to point out the obvious but YOU CAN MAKE MORE EGGS ANY TIME YOU WANT. Think positive!

5.     Go to your happy place. Maybe you’re spending too much time down on the pig farm or near haphazard construction sites. Close your eyes and travel away to somewhere you’d rather be. Maybe lounging in a tub full of freshly poured seed. Or being preened by a hot young chickadee. Or being serenaded by a golden-winged warbler. Take a few deep cleansing breaths and your feathers will be unruffled in no time.

It’s as easy as that. If the Angry Birds follow my handy dandy advice, everyone will be happier than pigs in poop — um, maybe that’s a bad example. Happy as hyenas? Giddy as gibbons? Tickled as a tamarin? Let’s just say they’ll be happy little birds as nature intended.

Feathers crossed, folks!

Your pal,

Pingwin

PS. Come on, get happy! The easiest way to have a smiley-faced day is to watch me on my Live Cam at over at Pocket Zoo (and the other animals too). Check out me and my penguin pals dipping in and out of the pool. Whee!